While the topic of this particular discussion revolved around wearing make-up at the gym, the article touched on an issue I'm sure all women can relate to- being judged and judging others.
*warning a bit of a rant begins here but I believe it's crucial we start working change the culture of how women treat each other at the gym.
I won't lie, I've judged other women, and I am sure I've been judged. I write this not with my nose in the air claiming I'm perfect (far from it) but as a call to action to women to quit making assumptions, be kind, be empathetic, and be respectful of one another.
I mean we all know...
That skinny girl on the treadmill who is always running really needs to get off and eat a cheeseburger.
That woman who has her hair perfect, make-up on and booty shorts is clearly at the gym only to look for a date, and not a interested in her workout.
That ripped figure competitor who never talks to anyone is a snotty bitch who thinks she knows everything.
The lady who 8 months pregnant that is still going hard in group exercise class is a moron. She's putting her baby at risk by exercising that hard.
The girl who posts selfies on InstaGram flexing. I mean she's cute but she's not that hot.
And don't even get my started on crossfitters. Good God, they think their shit don't stink don't they?
That's the truth right?
Come on, be honest- you've heard this before from a friend, overhead others saying it or even said it yourself. It needs to stop. Really.
In the article Liz encourages readers, "Pay attention to the things in life that trigger you, to the things that make you want to judge others and then ask yourself, “Why?” Chances are, there’s an opportunity to learn something about yourself instead of criticizing others."
I can't help but think back when my daughter was about 4 months old. I was the heaviest I'd ever been and in attempts get back into shape I signed up to run a 5k. Two weeks out from the race my best friend called and asked to run the race with me. Even though I am a terrible runner, I'm competitive and seeing as I was always considered the "athlete" between the two of us, although she's a great golfer, I thought I had the race in the bag.
Race day came, and she smoked me. Not only did she beat me in the race but she went on to lose all of her baby weight (our girls were both born with in a few weeks of each other) and then some! She looked amazing. She was happy and beaming with confidence. I on the other hand was so sick with jealously that it was hard to be around her. She had spent the previous months working towards her health and fitness goals and I was stagnant I spent more time then I'd ever care to admit comparing and examining her life to mine. I was miserable.
Eventually, I was able to shift the focus from her to me (where it should have been all along). I slowly gained back my confidence and through diet and exercise I was able to lose the baby weight (and then some) too. We're still best friends to boot!
I have to agree with Liz. When I find myself criticizing others it's typically because they are triggering something I feel insecure about in myself. Lucille Ball once said, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line." Focus on yourself, love yourself, find what gives you confidence and build on it because tearing down other women down isn't kind, it's not healthy for you, and it certainly isn't attractive.
Remember when it comes to fitness, achieving health is like taking a road trip. We all have a same destination in mind (or at least something similar) but there maybe a hundred different ways to get there.
I challenge you before you judge to remember that the skinny girl on the may be training for her first marathon and totally nervous. That figure competitor you think is a snotty know it all, she's really nice, just focused. The girl on InstaGram flexin is proud to share her progress, you should try it! And the girl with flawless make-up? Try giving her a sincere compliment. I'd be willing to bet both you and her leave feeling lifted.
And, for the record I know some crossfitters and they're pretty darn nice.
Your turn: Have you experienced judging or being judged yourself? How can you help lift (no pun intended) other women up?
Annie, brava, this is a wonderful post! I definitely think when you judge someone negatively it's usually from a place of insecurity. I also think that the gym is still a place where many women feel intimidated, or uncomfortable, which leads to insecure judging of others. Hopefully with time, this will change!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that ironic- a place people come to improve themselves (inside and out) and it's also a place women are most highly judged. Makes no sense to me :(
DeleteThis is an amazing post. I absolutely agree that most women judge bc of their own insecurity. I have most definitely been judged before, but I am okay with that. I work really hard to be okay with myself (I am FAR from perfect) and I also work really hard to be a positive influence in other's lives on their fitness journey and always give words of encouragement. We have to support each other, not try and tear them down. Everyone is struggling with their own journey, I have a hard time when people can't support others.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. Leading by example is so important!
DeleteGreat post! We all need to be a little kinder to each other and even ourselves!
ReplyDeleteAgreed- women are hard on each other themselves!!!
DeleteI love this post! Every woman needs to read this post. I know we are not perfect and I too have been that person who judges and critizes someone based on their looks and it is only because I was jealous of their life. This was also back when I was in my early 20's and was insecure myself. I have grown and learned that you don't know their back story, their journey, the long road that took them to that point. I say the same with runners on the road. When I pass a fellow runner the polite thing to do is a quick wave, head nod or acknowledgement of some kind but, you do come across those that don't even look up, that don't even acknowledge you along the way and there are some "serious" runners out there that get offended by it. I don't get offended at all because you don't know their journey, you don't know if they just started their running journey, or if they are on mile 19 out of a 20 mile run or coming off an injury or dealing with other personal matters that is affecting their mood, the bottom line is you have no idea what brought them to that point where you are passing them for a quick second and so don't judge them based on a one second interaction. sorry for the rant. I went a little off course. Love the post!
ReplyDeleteNo apologies necessary- I love it! I remember training for my first triathlon (back when I actually did cardio type activities) and feeling so cool when someone who looked more the part then I did said hello! It's the little things for sure!
DeleteThis was awesome and really is an important topic to address. It goes right along with "slut shaming" b/c we never know the entire story and life behind a woman we might see for a few minutes. It's not our job to judge to others lest we be judged ourselves. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support on the topic! I have to be honest though...I'm not familiar with slut shaming...?
DeleteThis is a great post! Its hard in today's society not to judge, but one thing I have learned from being a runner, you can't judge a book by its cover! I believe that goes with all things, we just never know what other people are going through, and if we went around and picked one thing we liked about each person we meet and told them, what a better world we would be in!
ReplyDeleteAmen! I do have to fight mean spirited gut reactions to a person's outfit choice, exercise execution, etc from time to time. It is hard but I'm trying to do my best to not let that initial impression determine how I treat them. You get more bees with honey.... :)
DeleteLove your perspective! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteNice post! And no one likes being judged!
ReplyDeleteWord! No ONE!
DeleteGreat post! I know exactly how you felt at that 5k. Back when I was 30 pounds heavier I used to see all the skinny pretty girls coming and going from my college dorm's gym and be like "Oh my god, that girl needs to eat something and stop trying to be so hot all the time" or something crazy like that. Secretly I was just lazy and jealous! Now that I'm healthier and work out at least 5 times a week I get it - working out makes you feel good and helps you reach goals that you never thought you could do! I'm currently training for a half marathon (in less than 3 weeks!) and if I wasn't out running 3-4 days a week with some cross training on the other days I would never be able to do it. I also want to say that I'm still not immune to feeling judged when I work out unfortunately - I went to a Barre3 class this weekend in the morning and before I went I put on a tiny bit of makeup because I feel like it's the kind of workout where you want to look nice since you'll be socializing with a lot of people before and after. I'm kind of embarrassed, but it's good to know I"m not the only girl out there who feels like they need to do that sometimes. Going out without any makeup on is hard!
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about make-up! If you feel more comfortable then WHO CARES? And if someone is going to make an assumption about you because you wanted to wear a make-up or not wear make-up then I don't think they are friend material! I appreciate your honesty- it's hard to work through that jealous but it sounds like you are doing a great job! Good luck with your 1/2!!!!
DeleteAnnie, I love your honesty and humor. You've perfectly captured the constant internal chatter of my mind when I see/judge other people at the gym. You're right, we need to stop wasting our energy on our judgement/jealousy of others and use that energy toward improving ourselves. Thanks for being the inspiration for those of us who need it!
ReplyDelete"if the grass is greener on the other side, you need to water your lawn." Thanks for being my inspiration! xoxo
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